Two sides of the same coin: The arrogant charming dickheads

Ulysses Alvarez Laviada
4 min readOct 7, 2018


and the arrogant charming bitches.

The traditional bully is no longer so popular despite of Trump best shots at it. We rather get today a different kind of popular bully. It is the victim bully, the passive aggressive bully who has all the marks of a loser holding the winning cards in an environment built precisely for them, the winning losers.

The losers, the new victimised bullies have so much seductive power today that even the traditional bullies are learning from them and their theatrical display of victimhood.

They are best at many things
but they are really great at:

- Mastering and pretending humbleness.
- Mastering and pretending compassion.
- Mastering and pretending empathy.
- Mastering and pretending common sense.
- Making you laugh.
- Telling stories.
- Having your devoted attention.
- Being the center of anyone attention.
- Monopolising morality.
- Virtue signalling.

They are idiots at many things
but they are really asshole at:

- Being in the background.
- Truly listening and not interrupting.
- Proving rather than making statements.
- Letting the light of others shine.
- Talking without using sarcasm.
- Having beliefs valid for longer than a day at the bar.
- Meaning in a practical way their apologies.
- Making other people lives miserable and sweetly leading them to full consent.
- Taking responsibility for their actions when those actions has been delegated to others by them.
- Stopping using cherry picking and straw man fallacies as manipulation techniques.

Why most people love and feel attracted to arrogant charming dickheads and bitches?

They know with surgical precision the exact techniques of how to release enough dopamine in other people brains before and as they cause sweet undetectable damages on them.

Sweetheart dickheads and bitches don't necessarily have to be self-aware for them to be who they are. In fact, not being self-aware makes the pain they inflict on other a smoother operation.

They are hardly ever aware of the harm they cause in others since what they do triggers high level of dopamine release in them at the same time that their victims consent to the abuse.

Dickheads and bitches actually cause more harm in their consenting victims by their very lack of self-awareness.

When they tell you: "Sorry, I didn’t mean it", all they are saying is that their victims have consented to their implicit bias, so, implicitly the victims and them are to blame equally.

They assume that if they were self-aware they wouldn't be acting naturally and it would make them agent of their actions, so actively responsible. Yet, what the dickheads and bitches are missing is that we as human are too actively responsible for our own individual nature, be it conscious or unconscious, self-aware or not.

Funnily, there are two type of dickheads and bitches. There are those who are thriving and those who are surviving. The first ones are the perpetrators dickheads and bitches, the second ones are their victims turned dickheads and bitches as a response to their abusers.

In an environment driven insidiously by osmosis of behaviours (most people trying to imitate the one that quickly appears more successful) dickheads and bitches charms have a good quick winning chance. Most of us are naturally victims of such osmosis of behaviours.

So, basically any of us can be one or the other and yet being in a thriving or surviving mode doesn't make any of them any better. A dickhead and a bitch will always be a dickhead and a bitch.

We can find funny analogies between the sentiments of dickheads and bitches and their victims and the sentiments of misogynist and their victims.

In the same manner as there are two type of dickheads and bitches in a close relation of aggressor and victim in which the victim might or might not become a passive aggressor (Stockholm syndrome), there is also a close relationship between a misogynist and his female victim in which she might or might not become a passive aggressor.

Thus, we get Third Wave Feminism. Having together a dickhead and a misogynist can be as terrible as having together a bitch and a feminist.

You might be surprised but such analysis can be applied to any relationship of dominance and oppression.

I won't go into the debate this time, but it can be applied too with Black Life Matter and the racial analysis.



Ulysses Alvarez Laviada

Genuine tragedies in the world are not conflicts between right and wrong. They are conflicts between two rights. Friedrich Hegel.